Stage 3 Session 20 (22nd session, 28 days overall)
Stage 3: 53%
n=2 (total=1, stays=0, advances=1, falls=0)
n=3 (total=12, stays=4, advances=7, falls=1)
n=4 (total=7, stays=0, advances=0, falls=7)
Session Average: 3.3
Started: n=3
Meditation: 10 minutes before and after (struggled to stay awake during before session)
Sleep: 6 hours (as always, lots of dreams and mostly light sleep, more sleep deprived than usual)
Exercise: Ran 6.8 miles (my furthest run, ever)
Caffeine during: none
Time trained: around 3pm (up since 6:15am)
Worthless today. Could barely focus on n=3, let alone n=4. Slipped to n=2 on second to last block and barely got promoted from that. Ironically, I tried to use positive thinking today, telling myself that I would do well, get my best score ever, etc. I guess my sleep deprivation was stronger than my positive convictions. Despite being sleep deprived though, not as depressed today (although today’s score certainly didn’t help). Probably the run helped.
As always, after a session like this, and my on-going residence on the 3.5ish plataue, I have a hard time believing n=4 will ever be easy or that I’ll ever move on. Still, still, still, I will soldier on. Normally, this is about time I’d hang it up and consider this one of the many things I tried to break out of my mental funk/depression/insomnia, but right now I’m in the Churchhill state of mind (“Never give in! Never give in! Never, never, never!”) with my novel, with my French, with my marathon training and with this. If it’s at all possible to redirect the neural rivers towards more favorable paths with this training, I will get there, eventually. If not, it won’t be for lack of perserverance and effort on my end.
n=2? Seriously? Arghh!
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